If you look past the crude jokes and frequent use of profanity, you would find that I try to conduct myself as a gentleman most of the time. I never really realize how second nature it is for me to be a gentleman until it was pointed out to me. You would think that as I pick up a dropped item and go out of my to return it to the owner I would get a thank you or a your mama sure raised you right. And about half the time I receive some sort of comment like that. Now I don’t care if people say nothing, as many people don't, but what has continued to surprise me in recent years is the negative attitude I receive for just being nice to people. Some cases people just give me a look like they think I gonna try to sell them something.
But the one that really gets me is holding the door for another person. I have been informed that this is no longer appropriate. If you open a door for a woman, this is now seen as a rude thing. I get responses like I DON’T NEED YOU TO HOLD THE DOOR FOR ME JUST BECAUSE I’M A WOMAN….. This leads to a quick lesson about how I am being disrespectful. The fact of the matter is that I know you ladies can get the door for yourselfs, and you should be paid the same as a man doing the same job, and you don’t have to quit your job to have a family, I know you can do anything you want, but when I get the door for a lady it is out of respect for all of those thing that I know she can do. Not because I think she is weak.
Thursday, December 19, 2002 Engel von EPCOT
After much moaning about taking the boat from Mexico to Germany; instead of walking, my family (Big Bro, Christine, Jimmy (uncle), Bill (cousin), and Mom) and I arrive at a German restaurant in EPCOT. My hunger pain is broken as Stephanie steps up to us with menus in hand and asks ME (well really us) to follow her to our table. I am hypnotized by this German beauty: 5’5”, Green eyes, blond hair in a ponytail. At first I... well I don’t really think I did anything at first. So as we made it to the table I snapped out of my daze long enough give her a smile and a sincere thank you. After some shifting around, we all sit down. As the meal goes on my family mentions the lovely lady to me specifically, a few times. I tell my uncle that despite the large number of people that work for Disney he has to find out about this girl. The meal goes on and I can’t stop thinking about this women.
As the Family finishes and we all rise to exit I (waiting for everyone to stand and move away from their chairs a bit so as to insure that they ill not sit back down to wait for me) tell them “I’ll meet you outside I need to go to the to the restroom”. I handle business and think that I am all clear to talk to this German angel. (Don’t ask me details like what are you gonna say, or what do you expect that she will just run off with you, or did you think you could get a one night stand? Logic does not apply at this time.) Big Bro walks into the restroom and I panic because I have to now do this in front of the most critical person I know. And no matter the out come, I would hear a lot of crap from him. Fuck it!! He is smart enough that when I walk up to her he will pause then go on out and wait.
So we make our way to the front door where I am expecting a magical moment to occur. I glance around to find the girl as we walk. We reach the front door and the rest of the family is all there. SHIT THIS IS NOT AT ALL WHAT I PLANNED!!! Not that I had a plan. I don’t see Stephanie and the family seemed to be waiting for me to leave so we head out.
Later…the group is now down to me, Bro, Christine, and Mom.
After one last ride on Test Track we decide that we have time for another ride, Spaceship Earth. It’s the big ball at EPCOT, and it’s a boring ride in which we can learn about technology. So as we walk to this ride, I have a vision. Mista Jazz appears to me like Obi Won and tells me to go back to Germany. I tell the family to call me when they are done with the ride and I’ll see them later. Christine asks me where I am going and I say Germany and walk away thinking that the next 5 mins of their conversation is making fun of me, not that I don’t.
I enter the German restaurant with a plan this time as I have had the 8-minute walk to Germany to figure out what I am doing. Not a sign of my obsession anywhere. I know that people rotate (like volley ball) from job to job with in their country. So I walk all over Germany looking for Stephanie which by now I have built her up so much in my head that there is no way anyone could live up to her. The sound of “La Cucaracha” breaks my madness. Bro calling me to say that he and the others are at the bus stop to go back to our hotel. I tell him that I’m on my way there and that he should go on I’ll meet then back at the hotel. I never saw Stephanie and so after I hung up with Bro I walked to the bus stop with my head hung low. But I did feel good that I had tried to do something. Failure is easier than regret.
Big Bro was waiting for me at the bus stop but the others had gone on. As I approached him I braced myself for the impact of his judgement. He said nothing. I made a quick-witted remark about myself to brake the ice then brace again. Big Bro just said “I don’t mind waiting for you… you’re my brother.” On the ride to the hotel, Big Bro and I just talk about nothing in particular.
Wednesday, December 04, 2002 Vapor action
I hop out of the passenger side of Lowercase’s car and then turn to assist Ladycase out of the back seat. Lowercase, Ladycase and I wait just a minute in the cold Charlotte night air for Dave and Lin, the couple we followed up town. So fifth wheel and all we walk to the City Tavern. Standing next to the bar I note the sound of crickets and just then we all pause to watch a tumble weed roll by. We then share a glance at each other and we’re out the door.
Out side we note that an old bar is now a “new” bar and according to the Charlotte night life rules this equals the place to be. Once inside I hand Lowercase some money for beer, and make my way to the restroom. This trip gives me a chance to can find a place to park the group and check out the scene. Tramptastic!
After some standing around, a table opens up and we now have the luxury of a waitress. We continue to make fun of the people around us and each other. And then this guy (we’ll call him Jackass) walks up to our table and leans in between Lowercase and Dave and sets a drink down. After a moment of confusion, Dave hand the drink back to Jackass with a glare. Now to clarify, this doesn’t seem like a big deal right? WRONG! NO SOUP FOR YOU!!! The bar hand book clearly states that you must at least engage in polite conversation then ask if you can set your drink down. And then you should not “impose” on table very long. This little error made Jackass and his Frat boy friends the subject of much of our abuse. There was too much material to repeat now, but most of it had to do with the Homo-erotic customs to the Frat boys and Jackass. Even as a fifth wheel I had room to make fun of these guys.
A few drinks later (if one quantifies time by drinks does that mean something) Jack ass came back and spoke to Dave they talked for a moment. They laughed and then he set his drink down and turned to a frat boy. Lowercase has the idea to take the menthol flavored HALLs out of his mouth and drop it in Jackass’ drink. (oh by the way I carry HALLS with me, its like a party favor) Lin beats him to it and submerges her spit covers Halls into his drink with her finger. Gross? Yes. Funny? Hell yes. Lowercase stirs the straw in the drink for just a second and then Jackass is back. Jackass stirs his drink then drops his straw in one of our empty glasses with a look of ha I got the last “word” nanny nanny boo boo. Jackass did not return to us but we enjoyed watching him drink his cola based beverage, completely unaware of the free health care provided by Lin.
Tuesday, December 03, 2002 Angry not sad, there is a difference.
I have noticed that some of my friends tend to be very very very very down. Not that there is anything wrong. They are just down. In fact most of them have many reasons to be happy. I mean hell for starters I am friends with there whinny asses, what else could anyone need to be happy? None of them are sick, living on the street, or being beaten. They have jobs, and though they may not be the greatest jobs in the world at least they have an income. The real kicker is that most of these people talk about how everything in their lives should be but never do anything about it. They just whine and that is making me loosing my patients with them.
So to all you whinny fucks. Lighten the fuck up. Yes I said lighten the fuck up. True I am tight enough to shit diamonds, but most of you have me beat. By the way some of you may not be sure if I am speaking of you or someone else. Here is a clue, if you got angry I’m talking about you. The rest of you that know I’m talking about you, and you know I am right. Now I am not say that you can’t complain, or talk about how this; society, country, or life sucks. I am challenging you. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
Monday, December 02, 2002 Steppin Out
The other morning I was stepping out to the bank to make a deposit. This has become one of my favorite things (much like whiskers on kittens) each week. Not because of the money, it’s not for me. It’s the fresh air and freedom, which gives me such pleasure. So as I was stepping out, I reached for my keys and fumbled to single out my car key with one hand. Just as I find it I loose my grip and drop my keys. With mongoose like reflexes I make a swooping motion with the same hand and caught the keys. This is not much of a story right? Well the swooping motion and the catching of the keys created a fist with a lot of speed. How can I stop this force of destruction? Hey I have a nut sack that ought to do the trick. So I punched myself in the balls.
