After work I am headed to Raleigh to help Jonny and Elizabeth move into their new home.
Tuesday, November 25, 2003 My First Rodeo
As Juicy Fruit and I walk up to the event center, I be come very aware of how much fun this night is gonna be. The first clue was the enormous SPAM MOBILE, one of tonight’s sponsors. We got in line to buy our tickets and I had about 15 “funny” things to say right off the bat. But I did not want to be a close-minded asshole; yet, so I said nothing. We entered the event center and I was immediately drawn to the big John Dear belt buckle. James, you would have wept. Juicy Fruit and I explored the other items for sale, including: fake bad teeth, cowboy hats, belts, purses, many different cowboy related T-shirts, and at least one toy whip. We bought nothing, but I think Juicy Fruit should have bought a hat. We walk into the event room and the smell hits me like a… well like a room that smells like shit. I guess I made a face, because Juicy Fruit laughed at me for a second. We found some seats and began to people watch. We pointed out the more amusing people to each other. Such as the kids with fake bad teeth, and little kids in cowboy or cowgirl outfits. The rodeo started with a freedom speech, prayer, and the national anthem. A girl rode out on a horse holding the American Flag, then the anthem began. I was impressed that the horse had been trained to straighten up, sticking it’s head and tail up, for the anthem. Then I notice that it was just taking a shit.
The rodeo events were all very fun and entertaining to me. In fact I was surprised by the lack of enthusiasm in the rest of the crowd. I paid 16 bucks for this show, I am gonna have fun. But perhaps much of what dazzled me is very normal for the other folks in the audience. Or maybe it was the side show that started in the seats next to me toward the end of the rodeo. The side show was two guys (one high school age and the other could have been the same or older) talking to these two young girls (at best 14 years old, maybe younger). It was weird because of the awkward line of questioning, and the differences in the ages between the guys and girls. I admired the guy’s guts, for trying to talk to the girls, but the age thing really made me and Juicy Fruit laugh. In the end, the guys could not get the girls numbers, nor would the girls take their numbers. The shoot down led an even more awkward exit by the guys. It was all but a run from the situation.
Juicy Fruit and I ended the night with a few rounds of drinks at the Flying Saucer.
Sunday, November 16, 2003 PAR-TAY!
Big G and I role up to Sherry’s apartment and the first thing one of us says, as we look at Sherry’s balcony is, “great, sausage-fest”. That means there are a lot of guys and few girls. Jenny answers the door and greets us with smiles and welcomes, Sherry pops up quick with hugs and tells us where to put the beer we brought. I explain to the few people I know, that my voice is kinda gone. Each one of them just laughs at me, then does a sad little aaaw and pats me on the shoulder or back. Later Sherry introduces me to her sister, and explains that “he lost his voice and he always has something funny to say”. I just laugh and say nothing. Big G and I drink and talk to Jenny and her guy (sorry I don’t remember his name) for a bit then Jenny asks if we want any Sakae. My voice work perfect when I say the words SHIT YEAH! After the shot I go back to Big G and we shift around the room just talking to each other and drinking. Some of the folks have begun to salsa dance. Big G turns to me and says you know I was gonna learn to salsa, but I learned how to save the lives of babies instead. After I stop myself from spitting beer up from laughter, I tell him that, that should be his line/icebreaker. Because he never used it and therefore cannot prove me wrong, I’ll go on the record and say, that is the best line ever and the ladies would have just been throwin their underwear at him. I don’t know how much time pasted but Big G and I were both ready to go out. We say our good byes and then head out the door. After a stop at James’ place to bug him, we go to the Penguin, then later to Athens Restaurant, for a bite to eat.
Disclaimer: I really liked Sherry’s party, I would go again. I just could not be me with my fucked up voice. So that is why I did not score with all the babes. I don’t know about any of the other guys.
Thursday, November 13, 2003 A cross-section book of me!
So I get home from my Wednesday night class, just in time for Smallville. That’s right I watch The WB. Fuck-off I don’t have cable. So I’m watching this show, and it opens with this guy getting hurt, head trauma. This biker guy smashed a snowglobe on the other guys head, thus causing the head trauma. Well the hurt guy went to the hospital and was receiving a MRI. While he is in the machine the thing goes crazy and electrocutes the guy. He lived and now has super powers.
This morning I when for a CT Scan . I was not electrocuted, and so of course I didn’t get any super powers. I didn’t even get a sticker that says “Be nice to me, I got radiated”. You know like when you give blood. Man, they hook you up when you give blood. Juice, cookies, sometimes a t-shirt, with a flag or something.
Monday, November 10, 2003 He can’tit can’tit can’tit can’tit uh- ssuhwing batta!
So Big G is in town and I decided that we should go to the batting cages. We went to Celebration Station, and it took about 5 steps too many to get gear and tokens for the cages but I felt it was worth it in the end. As we waited in line to return the equipment and get back our IDs, I noticed that the robot animal band was playing Dixie and that one of the robots had a confederacy, civil war hat on. Then I notice that the majority of the clientele was African American. I was looking forward to sharing this bit of irony with Big G as soon at we stepped out of the fun station. But he beat me to it. I’ll let you guess about all the off color jokes that followed.
PART OF A CONVERSATION FROM A FEW WEEKS AGO
Me: Aaaah, so many emotions.
Monday, November 03, 2003 Keep it down now, voices carry.
Day five of my steroid use and people still call me ma’am. Lucky I have not noticed an increase in appetite or acne. Oh, and my nuts aren’t shirking yet either. I used a caliper to measure. I think that I will call my doctor and see if he could prescribe a placebo for me as I have begun to wonder if this is psychosomatic. Actually I know that it is not, the camera shoved down my throat showed me the problem. What I am wondering is if there is an answer. Maybe I am gonna talk like Harvey Pekar for the rest of my life. The doctors all like that “give it some time” bullshit. WHAT THE FUCK!?
